This past weekend I took part in one of my favorite Holiday traditions, the legendary PDL 3v3 dodgeball tournament. For those of you who haven’t heard of this event before, where have you been? If you play a sport in CBS this is the tournament that cements your intramural legacy. Seriously, put off the Home Goods sale or baby Teddy’s first Christmas tree cutting for one day this season. Let’s be honest, it’s all about the apple cider doughnuts and cider anyway. Poor Teddy is eating homemade organic kale, quinoa, butternut squash again. The 3v3 tournament has been played by Portland’s best athletes since 2010 and continues to be the best “triathlon” CBS offers. Yes, that’s right, to complete this tournament from start to finish be ready to play dodgeball for 6 plus hours all while continually pumping 12oz curls down your throat. The rumors are true. Some league legends and former champions never actually took the court for the final round due to dehydration and a sudden inability to use their most common gross-motor skills. The Tone-Loc radio blasting in the background only reminds the PDL family to celebrate the holiday spirit while laughing over food and drink. We kindly remind each other that head shots do indeed count and are borderline encouraged on this day. It’s for the kids.
I’m standing on the side line refereeing and interacting with my “old” league mates arguing this past weeks Pat’s Broncos debacle. I’m expecting my NFL referee call any day now Rodger, seriously CLEAN IT UP. Keep in mind I’m participating in my 5th straight tournament and keeping up with the new young talent in PDL, one might say “tearing it up.” Now, a 1-8 pool play record might have most players worried come the knockout rounds, however I remain supremely confidents as “The BUFF Tendies” have now switched to margarita’s and my team might have the CBS godfather showing up at lunch time to catch a few stinger balls. In walks Dan “Muffin” Mclaughlin, a former champion of this event and makes the rounds. My instincts tell me that as “old” crafty vet himself, MUFF planed on showing up late to conserve his energy and make a run at this year’s title. Man OH man was I wrong. “Hey Dan, what’s up? You ready to take the court?” “No not this year son, I’m too old, just taking a break from Christmas shopping.” Now on the surface this seems like a harmless response, but the more I thought about it, I realized…I’m Tom Brady! Stay with me on this one…I’ve dedicated an entire day to playing this unforgiving sport and at a moderate level. Calling out plays, making the hard throws, sacrificing my body just to give my team a shot at the quarter finals. Meanwhile Dan is sitting with former teammates on the sidelines, ordering Papa John’s, watching the action in a hoodie & jeans thinking about where to use his next coupon on the Freeport strip. Who does that sound like, you got it, PAYTON “Muffin” MANNING.
